Hello everyone, thank you for aaaallll the lovely birthday messages and support for Tim, he felt a bit special😀 It’s been a while since we’ve done an update as we are struggling now, but I thought I should try and do one even on the sucky days because we assume everyone’s here for the whole journey and want to share it with you as openly as sanity allows.
That being said, if you don’t want to read a muddled rant go ahead and skip this one.
The last few days have been such a mix of good and bad and I think energy-wise we are starting to flag so its all catching up with us. Ada seemed to be improving so well, but the antibiotics they have her on are having side effects, including constant runny tummy and a very raw nappy rash. Whenever I raise the issue with the Drs its brushed off as side effects we just have to put up with, and the poor nurses are trying their best but are so short-staffed they can’t help me with clean-up, dressings and pain management every 15 minutes, but its a two-person job with a one-year-old. So I rely quite heavily on Tim but feel massive guilt because we are trying to create space for him to get back to work. Even when I do manage things by myself for a few hours it means I can’t keep up with the pumping schedule and normal human things like eating. This combined with being treated like a child to be managed rather than an adult to consult with regarding the healthcare of my baby was a bit too much, and I had a mini-meltdown in the afternoon and declared I would be going home. Much good it did. Our nurse was near tears and said she would get the dr to come and speak to us, which is quite fair as it is their call anyway, but the doc never showed up and instead sent another more senior nurse to console me. When I explained my frustration around the lack of logic in being quarantined alone in the small room, but at the same time the Drs think nothing of sending us down to a crowded waiting room full of coughing people for a hearing test that could have been done in our room, the nurse replied: “That must be hard”. I felt two seconds away from having the King Kong of all Kinupshins so politely excused myself from the room and walked up and down the seven flights of stairs available to me to try and get rid of the rage. Today I’m grateful for all the many years I’ve spent studying and working in law, which means I have a well-composed bollocking ready for the Drs tomorrow. Ada is doing ok, she is starting to lose weight and is sleeping more, but she still has her beautiful smile with her little chicklet teeth and now has a new word: Tuttle (turtle). Thank you again for everyone’s love, support and patience while we deal with this momentary roadblock of me hulking out. Normal optimism will resume shortly.💙