Thinking back to 25 Feb – I remember sitting with Tim in the secret staff cafe, we had just watched Ada go to sleep under general anaesthetic for the second attempt at her Hickman line. I don’t know enough English to adequately describe the fear after that first attempt had gone so wrong and we came so close to losing her, the trust we put in the medical staff to try again required so much mental discipline, but we had no other real option. We are both brains of logic, we talked about the medical stats and science, the variables and the contingency plans. It wasn’t very comforting at all. I remember reaching across the table, holding his hand and we agreed that now is not the time for logic, now is the time for hero hearts – hearts that ignore logic and odds and just know they will win, and keep fighting until the very last beat.
But hero hearts are not superhuman, that’s why they need allies like Samwise Gamgee, who will pick up and carry Frodo to Mordor if needed. We are not in a crisis, and we will never quit, but we are needing our Sam’s at the moment.
Hero hearts are not immortal either, a gutwrenching fact we couldn’t ignore today as the whole ward grieves for a little soul down the corridor who exited.
Ada is doing as well as can be expected at the moment, she is tracking ok with her temperature, so if it remains under control tonight and tomorrow morning we might be back home again tomorrow afternoon. She is still getting bouts of painful mucousitis or possibly tummy cramping from the antibiotics, but they are fewer and less intense. Her counts are on the way back up, which is also positive. Getting to the pointy end of chemo now – we’ve got an MRI on Wednesday, and just confirmed our surgery slot for next week, assuming all goes well with the MRI